"Things I would tell my teenage self" meme

Assuming of course said teenage self would listen:

1. Lay off the cookies. At least pace yourself.
2. FLOSS! (complete with gory disgusting details of what gum surgery is like)
3. You do not "win" by squeezing your chubby ass into a smaller jeans size. Get the ones that fit.
4. Speaking of which, your tall mother is clueless. Look in the "petite" section. That means "short".